The Joy of Being Selfish: Why you need boundaries and how to set them

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What’s up with the title, The Joy of Being Selfish? Well…sometimes you need to just say no. For your own mental health. If you never get any me time because you are constantly fulfilling the needs of others, this is a book you MUST read.

Nekaterim se bo ta priročnik mogoče zdel nič posebnega, sama sem pa dobila kar nekaj koristnih napotkov, kako postaviti osebne meje. Ker znam biti preveč prijazna, me to včasih kar močno tepe. Poleg tega sem imela vse od najstniških let dolgo časa bolj slabo samopodobo. Mene ponavadi opisujejo kot res prijazno osebo. Ampak veste, kako je biti stalno prijazen? Naporno je, izčrpa te in nekateri to znajo izkoriščati v svoje namene. Kar nekajkrat sem se opekla, preden sem dojela, da moram biti najprej prijazna sama s sabo, potem pa se odločim po svoji vesti, kako bom delovala v določenem trenutku. Imam svoje napake, ampak z leti počasi spoznavam, kaj je boljše zame. Seveda pa je treba jemati zdravo osebno mejo drugače kot pa postavljanje zidu okoli sebe. The book is written in an engaging, direct style that is easy to follow. Some parts and examples have a nice self-deprecating flair to it. On top of that, the book offers various exercises one can do to improve boundaries. Although Elman doesn't explain them in any detail, she hints at/uses a number of models common in other self-help books (Eisenhower's importance/urgency matrix, stimulus-response and shifting paradigms)Looking at the list to be considered, we find many questions with a true or false answer. If you answer true to such things as, “I find it hard to voice my opinions when I disagree with someone,” this book is definitely for you. The difference between building a wall and a boundary is quite explicit, and advice is given on how to build this. What Elman wants you to avoid is, “Closing you off to the world, keeping everyone out, and decisions made from fear or anger.” How fun would it be to be single without questioning your loveability, to date without taking rejection personally, and to have sex without hating your body? An honest and authentic piece of writing on the nuances of dating, romance and relationships - even the relationship we have with ourselves. I love that Michelle is able to empathetically hold the reader accountable whilst understanding the complexities of modern dating. Interesting, witty, informative and empowering.”

Learning when to say “no” makes your “yes” more powerful — people no longer take your presence or agreement for granted. It’s free therapy!! Michelle Elman is roasting me and patting me on the head at the same time and I love her for it. Get rid of the fear of being disliked. When you make the first step to set a boundary, it will be messy and confusing. However, to believe your time is worth something more, is huge. It all comes down to self-respect.’ Have a support network How often have you heard of a mother being called selfish for prioritising her own dreams above her family. We are told that being selfless is the best thing you can be, but I completely disagree with that.’ Elman is a body positivity veteran ... Her realistic approach to loving yourself is refreshing, and her posts are an important reminder that loving yourself isn't automatic. It takes time and work - but the journey is worthwhile"Growing up is a minefield. You have to navigate new friendships, new teachers, your body changes, people are kissing, there never seems to be enough hours in the day ... and why is everyone suddenly posting their breakfast on social media?! The author uses the concept of 'childhood trauma' a little too liberally for my tastes. Any and all issues with boundaries she, without hesitation, attributes to some parenting failure you had to endure as a child. Life coach Michelle has been cited as one of the 50 most inspirational women in the UK and, as a result of her work, she has amassed more than 300,000 followers across social media. Her latest book delves into self-love.

Michelle explains easily that by setting boundaries, we get our needs met first, without help from others, and once this has occurred we are ready to face challenges independently. We are free to reach out to others, secure in the knowledge that our safety barriers are set. Michelle Elman is a five-board accredited life coach, host of the podcast “In All Honesty,” and author of the book Am I Ugly?, which was named a “top read” by Cosmopolitan. Best known for her campaign Scarred Not Scared, she was named one of The Sun’s 50 most inspirational women in the UK. She has appeared on BBC Radio, Fox News, and the Today Show, and has been featured in Women’s Health, People, Teen Vogue, MTV, Buzzfeed, and the Huffington Post. A prolific public speaker whose TedX talk has been viewed more than 60,000 times, she holds a Bachelor of Science degree in psychology and lives in London.Dominic Cummings' face is a picture as names he called ministers are read out Build a relationship with your body Women, particularly, are taught from a young age that they must swallow their wants and needs to be a good person,’ she says. Elman shows a way to put your own needs first—that is, to be selfish, to set a boundary—while remaining professional or emotionally engaged or whatever it makes sense to be in that particular circumstance…Elman does a particularly good job of illustrating and contrasting strong and weak boundaries of various types—material, physical, emotional, intellectual and sexual…A basic, plainspoken guide to elements of interpersonal boundary-setting.”—InfoDad blog It's time to discover the joy being selfish. Putting the needs of everyone around us before our own is ingrained in us from a young age. Often, this leaves us with little time or energy for much-needed self-love and self-care, and to figure out who we truly are and what we really want.

Michelle has made me feel more confident in my own boundary setting in my workplace and relationship. I could not recommend this book enough to those who struggle saying no and put other people’s happiness before their own.” MORE : As a trans dad, I took pregnancy in my stride – but my mental health deteriorated after the birth of my child Being helpful is nice. But too much of anything is always bad. The people that you are helping need to learn how to help themselves. Realistically, you will not be available forever. Plus, how many times have you done a “favor” only to see the person you helped use their new free time for something fun you could be doing.Nearly every question life coach and queen of boundaries Michelle Elman is asked relates to one subject: dating. Do you frequently say 'yes' to people and events to keep those around you happy? Do you often find yourself emotionally exhausted and physically drained? Do people describe you as a pushover or 'too nice'? It's time to discover the joy of being selfish and reclaim your life through the art of boundaries! This is the third book in a row with 5 stars?? Maybe I need to stop reading so many amazing books. Anyways, this is an extremely valuable book and I’m glad I finally got around to buying and reading it. It’s one of those books I could see being on read-before-you-die lists. Boundaries have been this buzz-word that I’ve used in my new years resolutions but I wasn’t exactly sure what that looked like until this book. Seeing social media posts from Michelle already helped me a lot with topics covered in this book, but isn’t it convenient and comforting that it’s in this little easy-to-read book too? I would highly recommend this book for anyone, honestly. Hopefully, I’ll be applying the things I learned to my life :> If you're constantly feeling angry, if you're constantly feeling resentful, those are warning signs that your boundaries are constantly being crossed and not being reinforced,” she noted. Rethink the definition of ‘selfish’ Michelle is the queen of boundaries. We all need this book, now more than ever! Whether it’s work, romance, family or friends, Michelle will guide you through the process of setting boundaries. By the end of the book you’ll be proud to call yourself selfish because it will mean you are showing yourself the love and respect you deserve.”