Day The Rats Vetoed Congress, The

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The obvious rejoinder to that impediment might be, “Surely this reflective man, who gets his calls returned, can create the necessary institutional network and public investments to make these long-overdue changes” – again top-down then bottom-up. Probably, yes. But the problem is, neither he nor his collaborators want to be the recipients of daily vitriol and smears so easily conveyed to the world through the Internet. They want to be left to concentrate on their own business or other pursuits in retirement. The Chief interjected testily: "Chemical Warfare Man II, your 'short-term' Rod Blot is utterly too risky as a response to what should be a modest challenge. That is, if my associate, Infectious Disease Woman, agrees that the pathogens can readily be brought under control." One small interconnecting group that was gathering might have seemed destined to the same fading-away fate. Called "Summon Our Lawmakers To Us," (SOLTS), it was well-nigh invisible at first. Its quietude was not due to an inability to make an impact, but due to its concentration, from the first, on planning intensity. This group was not into venting, but engaged in laser-like, in personam lobbying. The members had seen that the most powerful, most successful lobbies on Congress - the ones that twist the lawmakers like putty pretzels - did not bother with demonstrations or marches. Corporate lobbies and organizations such as the NRA and AIPAC (American Israel Public Affairs Committee) have most of the 535 men and women doing their business, right on Capitol Hill. There was no threat of violence. The farmers were very careful not to give the King's men any excuse to label them a "riotous mob," inviting an assault from the disciplined Redcoats. There was, however, a promise that if the Tory did not sign a recantation then and there, his independent neighbors would shun him, the farmers not sell him any of their products. And - note this - they would not even use the Tory-appointed court judges or their sheriffs to present their regular claims or grievances, thus making these new, captive institutions a dead letter. Very recently, however, a startling development had opened new opportunities for the rodents in their nonstop quest for nutrients. (Rats, as noted previously, were known to gnaw through concrete to get to something tasty.)

The staff flushed away quite a few visiting rats in the regular toilet bowls, more with disgust than fear now that they were using portable toilets themselves. They still expected The Exterminators to eventually enforce eradication. The staff members were oblivious to the fact that the rat killers did not know about the toilet bowl visits and so were concentrating their poisons and traps in nooks and crannies away from the main rat pathways. We’re in the crosshairs,” he would say, starting such Congressional meetings in his spacious office. You may wish to take a shower to calm down and soothe your nerves, Ms. Melosay," Velvet suggested. The diminutive Minority Leader nodded. Velvet turned on the spray and adjusted the temperature so The Minority Leader could take a very long shower.

The cleaners were sternly instructed to leave no crumbs behind. But they let fall down through the grinders a stream of what the rats would call a dream banquet of flavorsome smoothies whose irresistible odor drew these hardy survivalists into bolder and bolder adventures in upward mobility. Why, of course," Velvet replied in a tone that suggested such an admonition was not needed. Leader Melosay told Velvet to get The Speaker on the phone immediately.

What? What?" shouted the Infectious Disease Man, pounding his fist on the table for emphasis. "You are planning to use 535 of the most important people in our country, and their staff, as guinea pigs?"

Ms. Swift blushed, but, suspicious of his uncharacteristic casualness, felt it was better to reveal some of the truth, and so blurted out, "There's been a rodent problem we're having attended to by the House Exterminators." Regina poured wine, setting the bottle down next to a neat display of well-regarded cheeses and nuts she had laid out for her husband's colleagues. She then sat with them in The Speaker's comfortable, electronically swept den/study. Arriving home early that evening, he sat down to a healthy-diet supper prepared by his adoring wife, Regina. Their three children were grown up, living in distant states, and so they were "empty nesters." Most will know what I mean, but just in case some are ignorant, I'll offer them a few examples. Some supported the oddly named 'The Water Rights Protection Act,' which would end federal authority to maintain minimum stream flows for fish and wildlife and give skiing companies more control over their use of water on public lands. How's that for protection? The assemblage of people worked over these proposals so as to situate them in ways that made them more responsive to

The Summons Group - probably not yet more than 250 varied citizens scattered throughout the country, including some, but not many, who were well-to-do - were not experienced lobbyists. They just were serious, calm, informed, and competent. You know the type when you see it. The first questioner was a female TV journalist: "Mr. Speaker, people always say, 'it takes two to tango.' My question is: What about the Senate - a notoriously independent body:' Will they get behind your plan?" Flushing is only a temporary fix, for a rat can hold its breath until the water passes. Rats can even gain entry through the soil pipes (the pipes that carry “soiled” water from the toilets), then through the vent in the roof and down the pipe into the toilet. “Rats can always find a way if there is one,” one plumber was quoted as saying.Calming himself after that outburst, The Speaker went on enumerating the components of the rising movement. Regina stood up and asked, "How about some pasta with my special tomato sauce recipe, before you go?" His longtime secretary heard his yell and rushed to his bathroom. “Mr. Speaker, Mr. Speaker, what happened? Are you OK?” ON THE FOLLOWING MONDAY MORNING, The Reporter was not where all the others were: ditto-heading and rehashing their accounts of the Big Sunday Story. He was assembling a groundbreaking batch of fresh revelations into a dispatch that would show the story behind the story and, incidentally, prove once and for all that he was and would remain numero uno!

Speaker Blamer arrived at the entrance to the spacious NBC headquarters on Nebraska Avenue only to encounter a gaggle of reporters outside who began throwing questions at him while he hastened to the studio door. "No comment, have to go," he told them. "Watch the show." But now, in a book that will surprise both his fans and critics, Nader profiles a small group of CEOs who he believes performed extraordinarily well as business leaders and civic reformers, some well-known, some not, who should be celebrated as exceptions whose life and career should be a course of emulation and inspiration for students of business, executives and the wider citizenry. My dear, Regina, let me unburden myself further about my deep concerns over what is happening. As I mentioned, superficial appearances and images are extremely important to preserve, even though no one wants to admit or talk about this truism publicly. One reason for escalating this rodent mess to a Presidential emergency is to take away the laser of journalist attention that was fated to fall on me and The Minority Leader. Our strategic moves have taken the rat problem to a different, complex level of overall seriousness. This seems to be working so far, but it is fraught with the peril of boomeranging if and when the media start looking into the origins of this unforeseeable tumult. Of course, it was not long before a gaggle of reporters rushed to Congressman Savant's office only to find that their smartphones were ringing with news of other rodent-to-human episodes in other Congressional offices. After a moment of cognitive dissonance, each went to what the newsperson believed to be the most newsworthy destination. To some, that meant dashing to the Senate where all rat hell was breaking loose as the rodents were looking for pipes, apparently happy to be in ones not as crowded with fellow beasts as were those in the House plumbing. Those reporters reasoned that Senators are just bigger news.The Speaker did see this as an opportunity to drive his point home. "This just gives more urgency to our conversation. You both saw my preliminary list of reforms on Meet the Press. I know you would approve, Marcy. What about you, Senator? Where do you stand?" I can see the headlines: 'Rats Play Catch with Lawmakers' Balls,' 'They Are Worth Something: Speaker's Balls Attract Rats,' 'Hungry Rats Invade House Toilet Bowls, Spreading Terror Where the Sun Don't Shine,' 'Why is Speaker Blamer Screaming in His Bathroom?' 'Unlike The People, Rats Gain Access to Politicians: And those, my dear, are just the first-stage headlines, assuming the rat invasion goes no further." YEEEOW! YEEEEOW! YEEEOW" bellowed The Speaker as he straightened up, slammed the cover down, and flushed. Most interesting, Catman," noted the Anti-terrorism Chief. "We'll accept your candid conclusion and move to the higher plane of technological response. Let us hear from Chemical Warfare Man."