How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids

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I used to silently fume at Tom and bang things around in the kitchen to convey my annoyance that he wouldn’t do his share. I used to do all the cooking, for example, then our child was born, I got very busy at work, and suddenly you were cooking all the time and I was traveling and working.

SELF may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. I witness that high expectations, constant comparison, guilt, and mental health struggles are all too common in motherhood.to begging and pleading with the universe for a night that would bring a mere two hours of consecutive sleep was a shock to our systems. I had a friend who was pregnant, and when she got her baby, she screamed at her husband because he wouldn’t empty the Diaper Genie. The next step is to work with a professional who can provide a safe and comfortable space to work through these struggles. I am always trying to see if he will step up and help out with the household chores, but he seems to enjoy floating around in a happy single-guy bubble on weekends.

Since this time, I have specialized in the treatment of trauma and attachment with the skills to assist with anxiety, depression, and relational challenges. Before I know it, our two children will no longer be young, and I’ll be looking back at these sleep-lite, poo-dense years with rose-coloured glasses and tears streaking my face.Through my own experience of struggling with miscarriages, becoming a mother, and realizing how intense those early years can be, I can attest to the transformative power of seeking professional help.

My passion for perinatal support came after my own challenges becoming a mom for the second time and realizing that there aren’t enough supports for new moms or that the supports available were highly stigmatized in my area and within my social network. We also realized how important it is to describe the problem we were having without judgment or blame and state clearly what we needed. If your husband has a better relationship with his phone than he does with his baby, you need to hit him with this book—and then ask him to read it. The parent can do whatever they want during that time– sleep in, exercise, nothing at all, without comment from their partner. In our work, I’ll focus on supporting you through the challenges, while also celebrating the positives.Before our daughter Sylvie was born in the spring of 2009, my husband, Tom, and I almost never fought. Other times, we were so chilly with each other that for days, we’d barely exchange a word beyond logistical matters such as “Where did you put the wipes? If you needed me, you’d find me either cradling this squirmy human and pressing his head against my aching boobs, or clenching onto my breast pumps. Disclaimer that no one should be having sex unwillingly—these are just tips for finding time and getting in the mood. By the time their baby had reached nine months, the women had picked up an average of 37 hours of child care and housework per week, while the men did 24 hours.