Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder

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You wake up, and you already know what you need to do. You immediately feel tense as you do your best to start the day with positivity. Still, the feeling of dread doesn’t go away. Ultimately, the strategy is the same: take responsibility for your feelings, own what you need, and communicate clearly. Most of the book's advice is given through real-life examples of parent/grown child relationships, some of which are nearly off the rails but most of which are very solid with just some bumps of conflict. How these various conflicts started, what happened during the conflict, and how the conflict was resolved—or not—is the crux of the book. Some readers may find this quite helpful, especially if they see themselves in one of the examples, but others may not find value in something that doesn't mirror their own situation. Still, there is value in realizing you're not alone, as well as that others have it far worse than you do! Don’t underestimate the BP’s fear, anguish, and inner turmoil. Imagine the worst you have ever felt, and then triple it.

So as hard as it can be in the moment, we do our best to remember that our partner’s questions are motivated by love. They’re asking because they genuinely care about us.Jane Isay’s warm, intelligent, reassuringvoice shines through her illuminating stories about the delicate, lifelong bond between parents and theirgrown children.Anyone who has ever been in a parent-child kafuffleabout rules, traditions, money, control, or anything else will findwisdom and encouragement in this lovely book. ” Do you overlook your partner’s bad actions, faults and try your best to justify them? If you love yourself and your partner, you would want to pinpoint the issue and work on it. 8. You feel powerless and weak The change that you have been dreaming about should start with you. Breaking free from the fear and stress will be a hard process, but remember that it’s not impossible.

Jane Isay gives us a hope chest of hard-earned wisdom and aha moments, and a mirror in which we can safely examine ourselves and our families.” Judith S. Wallerstein, Ph.D., author of What About the Kids? Raising Children Before, During, and After Divorce How to better communicate with your grown children, especially when they aren't living up to your expectations, hopes, and dreams for them. Hyper-vigilance can lead to a constant state of anxiety and a sense of walking on eggshells to avoid any potential triggers that may upset your partner. 16. You feel responsible for their emotionsIf walking on eggshells is causing anxiety and stress in your relationship, talk with your partner about it. Decide on a strategy for how to handle those tense moments. And get brutally honest about whether it’s time to upgrade your conflict management skills. In a walking on eggshells relationship, you find yourself monitoring every word, action, or gesture, trying to predict how it might affect your partner’s mood or response. This heightened vigilance stems from the fear of setting off conflict or facing negative consequences. However, admitting your faults and being open to change is already an improvement. 7. Practice self-care